


The Death of a Stranger

by OnlyforNew



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: AU, Friendship, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 05:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19245064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyforNew/pseuds/OnlyforNew
Summary: Juyeon deals with his feeling and Changmin is there to help.





	The Death of a Stranger

Eric. Until yesterday that name meant nothing to me. It was just a word, a name of a foreign person, the name of someone I had nothing to do with. Now, it was a name that wouldn’t leave my mind no matter how hard I tried. A name that suddenly had so much meaning behind it, and not just to me. A name that was so irrelevant has suddenly become something that won’t leave everyone’s mouth. I suppose that’s what happens in high schools though, news travels fast. 

“Juyeon!” I looked up from my notebook in my lap just to meet eyes with my loud friend who called my name.

“What is it Changmin?” I replied with a sigh, placing my notebook to the side. We were at my house attempting to study for an upcoming test, but as you could probably guess, it wasn’t going well.

“You were spacing out again.” He states as he also sets his stuff to the side. He looks at me with what can only be described as concern. 

“Oh.” It was my reply. I haven’t been feeling much for a conversation today. Although that’s not all that surprising I guess, after what’s just happened.

“Are you still thinking about...” Changmin stops midway and furrows his eyebrows in thought.

“Eric.” I finish.

“Yeah! Eric?” He resumes as if he didn’t just stumble two seconds ago. I rub my face with my hands.

“Can you blame me?” I peer at my companion through the gaps in my fingers. 

“No. I can’t. He’s been on everyone’s mind today.” He nods in understanding.

“I just...wish I could’ve done something.” I finally spit out. It’s been bugging me all day. This feeling of ‘maybe you could have prevented it’ but I know it’s stupid to think that. What could I have done? I barely knew the guy.

“Juyeon I’m not gonna comfort you by saying something you already know but since I’m your best friend it’s my job so here it goes; it’s not your fault, you couldn’t have done anything, you didn’t even know the guy.” He explains exasperated. He was right. He was. But the feeling still wouldn’t leave.

“I know your right and everything you said was true but the last part; I did know him.” Changmin tilted his head in confusion. 

“You knew him?” He repeated as if he heard me wrong the first time.

“Well, not well. But I did meet him face to face. We did speak once.” The memory of the conversation came back to me. The one I’ve been trying so hard to forget. Changmin feels the change in my mood but he’s contemplating whether to push for more information or just leave it be.

“If you are okay with talking about it when did you meet him?” He spoke carefully as if one wrong word and I’d tell him to leave.

“...yesterday.” Changmins eyes widened.

“Oh god! Juyeon, what did he say!?” He exclaimed while physically jumping a little in shock. I once again rubbed my face. I took a deep breathe.

“He... we walked past each other at lunch. He stopped me and asked for my name. I told him.” I recall the event in my mind vividly as if it was happening all over again.

“And then what happened?” Changmin gently pried.

“I asked for his name, he gave me it.” Eric. I was worried I’d forget it at the time as if I could forget now.

“Was that it?” He questioned.

“No. He also thanked me.” Thanked me. He thanked me.

“Thanked you? For what?” Changmin reaches for his drink looking immersed in whatever I had to say.

“Remember a while back when I found money lying on the ground and I handed it into the office? Turns out it was his lunch money that he lost. He thanked me because he was having a really bad day that day but he felt a little better after knowing there was at least one good person left in the world. He said that after that he always tried to thank me but I was always with people and he didn’t want to interrupt, so he just watched from a distance sometimes.” I finished my story and Changmin was nodding along. 

“I see. Now I know why you feel so responsible I guess. I mean you were probably one of the last people he spoke to before he died.” Died. That’s right. He died. That’s the reason everyone knows his name, it’s all over the news. That’s the reason I feel heavy talking about it, death is a heavy topic. That’s the reason I feel so guilty, because maybe if I just stayed and talked to him a little longer without leaving to get first in the lunch queue, maybe just maybe, he would still be here right now. 

I sighed. It’s not as if I only feel guilty because of that though. The thing I most feel guilty about isn’t me thinking I was more important to him than I was, and that I out of all people could change his fate yet I didn’t. The thing I felt most guilty about, was the fact that I don’t feel sad about his death. Yes, there’s an uncomfortable feeling in my chest when I talk about it but that’s just how I feel when I talk about death in general. 

Maybe it’s because I didn’t know him that well? Maybe it’s because I only met him once? Maybe it’s because the fact that he isn’t in this world anymore hadn’t hit me yet? I don’t know. I don’t know.

“We should go for a walk.” Changmin broke me out from my internal monologue. 

“Why?”

“You were spacing out again, you probably have a lot on your mind. Fresh air will be good for you.” And with that, he stood up and beaconed me to follow.

It was a clear night. You could see each star and even some constellations. The air wasn’t too cold but just cold enough to give you that fresh comforting feeling. No one apart from me and Changmin was out. It was just us two walking through the quiet neighborhood. The only sound was our footsteps. 

We walked for about five minutes until we reached the local park, we decided to go in and sit on the swings. The swings were where we used to go when we were kids and we had something to talk about. I guess not much has changed.

I started to swing gently next to Changmin who was doing the same. The squeaking of the old metal frame brought back some memories and made me smile. 

“Hate to start this conversation on a shitty note, not to mention with something I’ve already said but you do realize it’s not your fault he jumped off that bridge and there was nothing you could’ve done?” 

“Way to ease into the point,” I laughed softly not putting much effort into it. I could hear Changmin huff beside me.

“Well you know I’m not one for beating around the bush.” He started kicking more going higher and higher.

“...I know it’s not my fault. That’s not the main reason why I’m feeling guilty.” I spoke after a minute of silence. Changmin came to a slow halt and faced me. 

“It’s because you don’t feel sad about his death right?” I forgot Changmin knew me better than I know myself.

“Yep.”

“Well, first of all you literally just met him, you know nothing about him apart from his name and fact he launched himself off a bridge, but at this point most people in this town know those things so it’s not like your special, it’s not weird to not feel sad about the death of a stranger.” Changmin’s words sound harsh but they’re true and to the point. It’s logical. He was right I shouldn’t feel guilty.

“I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I just can’t shake this feeling off. It’s like it’s weighing down on my heart.” Changmin looked at me with a kneeling look in his eyes.

“That’s not guilt.” He stated. I looked over at him in confusion. What? What else could it be?

“Juyeon,” he softly said my name and grabbed my hand. I stared into his eyes and he stared into mine.

“Yes?”

“It’s okay to cry you know?” and with those six words, I broke down. Everything I’ve been feeling, even the feelings I can’t explain came flooding out in the form of tears. Changmin immediately pulled me into his chest as I started to choke on my sobs. 

It suddenly hit me at that point, that he’s dead. He’s never coming back. I didn’t know him, not at all, not as much as I convinced myself to believe, but I wished I did. Not because he’s dead, not because I could’ve saved him, but because he sounded like a genuinely nice person and someone I would get along with. 

In those brief minutes I spent talking with him afterward I decided that I should try and get to know him better, after all, he didn’t need to go out his way to thank me, but he did. He brightened my day up a little, he was such a nice person. The fact that he’s no longer here, that I won’t ever get the chance to continue our conversation, makes me the saddest. 

He was a stranger to me, but I wish he wasn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter is @violetchanhee.


End file.
